


Whatever...

by Bellacia



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: Angst, Boyfriends, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Matthew Casey, Kelly Severide needs a hug, Love, M/M, Worried Kelly Severide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 17:27:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29372310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bellacia/pseuds/Bellacia
Summary: Casey would do anything to save his loved one, even risk his life.
Relationships: Matthew Casey/Kelly Severide
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31





	Whatever...

**Author's Note:**

> I thought a lot about this idea and I couldn't let it go, so.... Here it is.

No one had time to react. They were barely finishing with the other victims when they saw Cruz and Severide leaving the burning factory with Casey. They had only heard the boss shouting over his radio and a few seconds later, Severide walked with Cruz out of the place, pale despite the dark marks on his face. Casey had his eyes closed and more marks than the two men who were carrying him. They all went over to help them put him on a stretcher. Brett and Dawson rushed over to auscultate him. Cruz said he had inhaled smoke. Brett decided to intubate him when he felt your pulse and breathing very weak. The other firefighters and even the people they had pulled out who were being attended to by other paramedics asked what was wrong and if he would be okay.

As soon as Dawson confirmed that the intubation had been successful, they decided to take Casey to Med. Severide rushed to the ambulance and Boden allowed him to go with them, knowing that of everyone present, he would be the most concerned. While everyone would be one hundred percent with their concern, Severide's would be a mile a minute. The chief assured them that they would go to see him as soon as they were done with the scene. Herrmann took Casey's place to make sure there were no gas leaks.

Everyone had different pieces of what happened, but in the end, it all came together to end with Casey being taken to Med for having inhaled too much smoke. The question on everyone's mind was how it happened.

The sirens at Station 51 blared for another burning factory. Everyone jumped to their feet at the speed of light and went to get their gear ready. Otis and Tony climbed into their respective trucks and Brett and Dawson closed the rear doors of ambulance 61, thankful that they had been getting everything settled in earlier. The trucks pulled out with Boden behind them. The street had been overrun by people standing around watching the factory fire, the police were moving them away so they wouldn't get in the way of the firemen's arrival. The smell of smoke was evident even before they entered the area. It was thick and very dark, which was almost alarmingly offset by the color of the sky. As soon as the trucks stopped, everyone jumped out of their seats and prepared the oxygen tanks in record time. The place was only two stories high, but it was quite large, so Station 81 also showed up along with more ambulances. The fire had invaded both floors and the glass in all the windows exploded the moment they got off the truck, so the fire would soon consume everything. The front door was wide open, revealing the fire devouring everything in its path. Some workers came out coughing violently and walking unsteadily. The paramedics rushed over them to auscultate them while the firemen put on their masks and entered the factory.

They went in small groups to search for the other victims. Boden said that by being quick they would have five minutes before the flames consumed the whole place. One of the workers said there had been a short circuit and sparks had struck tanks containing flammable liquids. No one was able to react in time as the fire began to spread across the floor.

Casey went with Kidd, Severide with Cruz, Herrmann with Mouch and Otis with Tony and Capp. The last five would go to the second floor.

Some machines that had not yet been attacked by the fire were still shorting out and the liquid that had been left dripping on the floor and walls caused them to catch fire. They had to move if they were to count on the five minutes Boden said. Most of the victims were trapped behind large walls of fire, others were lying on the floor, unconscious from smoke inhalation. They couldn't spare the number of people if they were inside a factory. Not many people had come out, so it was logical to think that there were still many more. They shouted in the different areas to make their presence known. Some desperate workers rushed toward them as soon as they saw them.

Herrmann radioed that they had five men passed out (three he found with Mouch and two found by Otis, Capp and Tony) on the second floor. Boden ordered them to the windows so they could be taken out by the stairs. Two firemen from the 81st went up and helped them lay one of the men on a stretcher each. When they got to the bottom, others climbed up to get the other victims out and so on until they got all five of them out. Being the most experienced, Tony said they would lose even more time if they went out the window, so they should finish checking and go back downstairs. The others nodded and went back to searching the remaining rooms. There was no one left. They hurried to the stairs to search with the others downstairs.

Downstairs, Severide and Cruz were checking the gas-powered machine area. They didn't have much time before they exploded. They checked well behind each one in case someone had been hiding near them out of latent fear. Some workers were in a corner, huddled in on themselves to take cover as best they could from the fire. Severide warned that several people would be pulled out and stood beside them to go ahead with Cruz. Most of them were disoriented, but at least they could follow in their footsteps until they got out of there. There were ten of them and they were to go in a line, so Kelly stayed behind to make sure no one was left behind.

"Chief, how long," Severide asked over the radio as the last two stood up and followed the rest.

"Three minutes, tops," Boden replied, and everyone who heard him could hear the nerves in his voice. "Herrmann, how did it go?"

"We've checked, chief. There's no one else in this area."

"Good. Get out of there. Casey?"

Casey and Kidd were checking the left side of the place.

They only saw two people. One young man lying on the ground with his torso burned. The other, a tall muscular fellow, who had half of his face burned, but miraculously, was kneeling on the ground, conscious but very still. He was just looking at the young man's body.

"Kidd, take him away. I'll take care of him."

"Copy that, Captain," she replied. She slipped a rope under the young man's arms and dragged him as fast as she could to the exit.

"Sir, I know it's a difficult situation, but you have to get out of here," he began. "Everything will be all right, you'll be taken care of when we get out."

He tried to tap him gently on the shoulder to see if he could get him to react. Big mistake. The guy must have been in some kind of trance or shock, because as soon as he felt Casey's touch, he screamed and pushed him away, grabbing him by the arms and throwing him against a wall, lifting him off the ground. His mask and oxygen tank fell off with the impact. The front of the mask shattered when it hit the ground and his tank stopped passing oxygen. The subject jumped to his feet and ran away from him towards the exit, ignoring the explosions going on around him.  
He didn't know how long he lay there, but in the middle of a fire and without the equipment in working order, every second counted. It didn't matter if it was one minute, five or twenty; he was at great risk without oxygen. Stunned, Casey got up as best he could and realized he had been breathing smoke from the scene. When he wanted to report what had happened and say he was going out because of it, Severide stepped forward:

"Chief, I need help! I'm trapped between the gas machines."

"Severide! Where are you?

"On the right side of the factory! The fire blocked my way. Herrmann, where are they?"

"On the other side, Lieutenant! We can't move too fast, we found more wounded victims!"

"Cruz is on his way with a hose to get you out, Severide! Casey, what's your position? Can you help them?"

Casey became desperate. His partner was in danger and he didn't have his mask on. But right now, he couldn't think about that. He could only imagine Kelly behind the fire, and the gas-powered machines would only need a few minutes to explode. He couldn't just stand by and do nothing, the person he loved most needed him. He shook his head and spoke into the radio.

"I'm on my way. Sev, hold on."

He got up and walked while trying to inhale as little as possible. When he did, it wasn't long before he felt the smoke burning from his throat to his lungs. If his mask hadn't broken, he would have perhaps had a little more time for protection, but since it had broken off completely, he was more exposed. Truth be told, he wasn't thinking about it at the time, he just wanted to get to Kelly. Even if they were on the same floor, the place was big, so it took him a moment to get there and as he walked faster, his body was starting to demand more air. As he inhaled again, his head began to ache.

He spotted Cruz and ran to help him put out the fire. They turned on the water and began to extinguish the towering wall of fire. If it was the last thing, then they would only have to put out the fire from the outside so as not to cook anyone. Cruz didn't notice that his Captain didn't have his oxygen tank or mask, which Casey was grateful for, because he knew then he would have been told to get out. All around them, the fire continued to ravage everything in its path, several pieces of roof fell near where they were, breaking into pieces when they hit the ground, the remaining lights exploded and released sparks. None of it made them flinch. As he made a great effort not to let go of the hose, Casey coughed as slowly as he could, not wanting to alert his partner. Things were getting alarmingly fuzzy and his throat was getting more and more scratchy. His head was spinning. The next time he inhaled the smoke from the place, his eyes watered. Still, he managed to see Kelly's figure approaching each time they managed to weaken the fire. That made him smile faintly. If something happened to him, at least he would have the peace of mind that they had managed to free Severide. All he could think about was that he had to act right or he would lose him.

The machines were making deafening noises. It was a matter of seconds until they finally exploded. His tired eyes wandered around the place, trying to make sure the fire around them didn't reach them too. It was a blur, but it didn't seem to.

As he moved back a little, his legs felt weak. Cruz seemed to be shouting that there was nothing left, but Casey couldn't quite hear him. His eyes were trying to close, but he wouldn't allow it just yet. The problem was that he was no longer the one in control. There was only a little bit left to extinguish the wall of fire, and Casey's body gave way to unconsciousness. He tried to at least stay on his knees, but was unable to. He felt his fall almost in slow motion, as if he had laid down of his own volition. He had not. Had he seen himself, he would have noticed a quick and painful fall. Even though he was about to lose consciousness, he managed to feel the pain in his head intensify as he took one more breath through his mouth, even though he didn't want to.

"Yes!" Cruz shouted when the fire finally disappeared, "Come on, Lieutenant, this is about to explode," he shouted when he heard the alarming screeching sound the machines were making.

Severide approached as fast as he could and when he was next to Cruz, his eyes stopped on the body lying on the ground.

"Matt!" he shouted in horror. They both knelt down beside him and turned him over. He was not wearing his mask. Cruz was stunned and Severide took off his mask to put it on Casey.

"Let's take him outside!", Severide shouted, making the other react.

As they headed for the door, the machines exploded. Severide lunged forward to cover Matt with his body and put his hand on the back of Cruz's neck to pull his head down and cover him that way. More than fire, it was a new black as darkness that surrounded them. Outside, everyone jumped back when they heard the explosion.

"Oh, no..." Brett muttered, dumbfounded.

"Severide, report! Where are you?!", Boden shouted, the fear clear in his voice like water.

For a frightening moment of silence, no one answered him. Smoke was still billowing from the factory doors and windows, and they barely had time to make out Severide and Cruz leaving with Casey. The others rushed toward them to help them and leave the Captain with the girls.

All the way to the Med, Kelly did not let go of Matt's hand at any time. Brett allowed her to get close to his face so she could talk to him while she finished getting everything ready.

"I'm here, baby. It's going to be okay, I promise. Just be strong," he murmured in a shaky voice, running a hand through his somewhat singed hair. He leaned down and kissed his forehead tenderly." God, Matt. Hold on. Don't leave me too."

"Severe smoke inhalation. His lungs must be atrophied!", Brett howled, upset. "Dawson, how long?"

"Two minutes!" she replied, driving so fast it bordered on criminal. She was also worried sick. Even though they were no longer a couple, she still worried about him the same way she would if any other friend or partner were lying on a gurney at that very moment.

Brett hooked up Matt's EKG and the familiar sound of his heartbeat filled the ambulance. They were alarmingly low; he was stopping. Severide and Brett looked at each other, terrified. Matt's life hung in the balance. Kelly squeezed his hand again and spoke to him in an almost desperate way, asking him not to give up and not to leave them while Brett cut his shirt to attach the electrodes. He felt nauseous as he imagined what they might say to him at the hospital. What if Matt went into a coma? Or if they had to perform emergency surgery on him for another injury they didn't know he had? They hadn't been together during the fire and knowing him, his boyfriend would never have admitted he was hurt until the very end and that was hopefully. Casey would never admit to anyone that he was hurt in any way. He always said he was fine and thought of the victims before his own pain. Literally, Casey could be in the middle of a gunfight and get shot in the shoulder, and he would always ask how the others were doing or if there were more wounded, as if he wasn't one of them. Fear hit him hard and he was unable to let go of Casey's hand.

Matt's face looked incredibly peaceful. Kelly could only think of what must have happened to make him take such a risk. What had happened to his oxygen tank?

He only heard Brett yell " Clear!" and felt her pull his hand away from Matt's before he saw the blond jerk from the shock. No change. Brett charged everything again and again, let loose another shock, this time a little harder.

Once they reached the Med, Kelly helped them lower the gurney. The medics were already waiting for them. As they walked away with him, Brett told them what had happened at the factory and what Matt had clearly been exposed to. The smoke was laden with toxic substances. The blond would be lucky if he didn't have permanent damage to his vocal cords or lungs. Many of the workers had been exposed to those fumes and Kelly had heard them: they could barely speak and say anything coherent, let alone the state their lungs were in after that. Casey would be lucky if his were just smoke-laden or if his voice didn't come out the same as Voight's. 

The medics took Matt away, telling him to stay in the waiting room, knowing that if they let him get close, the Lieutenant would try to stay by Matt's side despite not being able to. Kelly kept muttering under his breath, praying that Matt would be able to get out of that one. His hands shook as he rubbed her face hard. It couldn't be true. Matt couldn't be lying on a hospital gurney getting emergency care. It had to be a goddamn nightmare. Even if he had been terrified before, reality came crashing down on him like a bag of bricks and he realized that his partner was in critical condition. He could barely find the strength to sit up and rest his elbows on his knees and then drop his head in his hands. How little he had walked to sit up was enough to realize that the trembling in his legs would cause him to fall if he tried to walk back. The sound of the hospital machines echoed in his ears violently. A part of him wanted to run and go inside to where Matt was to join him and tell him again that he was not alone, that no matter what happened, he would be by his side every step of the way. He just wanted to hold his hand and let him know that everything would be.

But another side of his being was screaming at him not to, because if he went at the end, the doctors would take him back out to the waiting room. He stifled a sob as best he could. Suddenly, he stopped hearing the things going on around him. It was as if the whole hospital had been silenced by the Mute button. All he could think of was Matt's limp body being carried out of the factory by them and then into the ambulance, being shaken violently by the shocks he was given as his heart stopped.

A dark feeling came over him the moment he realized the risk Casey had taken to help him get out of there. If only he had been quicker and gotten out with the other workers, Casey would have gotten out the moment he ran out of his oxygen tank. For what he believed was his own incompetence, he was now at risk of losing Matt. He couldn't accept that. The entire year he had been dating him was the happiest year of his life. It was so different from the time they spent together when they were just friends or housemates. When he had just moved in with him and Dawson was almost offended after a while, Kelly thought Matt would ask him to start looking for another place because he wanted time with his girlfriend and he would have completely respected that. Instead, Casey told his own girlfriend that if she wanted to leave, she could, but if Severide needed him by her side, he would be with him. It was the first time Kelly had felt what genuine concern felt like since Shay's death. Even with all the times he was going through a considerable anger stage and went so far as to yell at her, Casey never turned him back on him or left him to deal with his problem alone. He was the purest person he had ever met. He couldn't imagine life without him.

Feeling like he was drowning, he walked out the hospital door. He couldn't get his head around the idea that maybe Matt wouldn't make it, or that if he did, he might not be able to go back to being a firefighter because of a major complication. On the street, he punched a wall of the hospital, with such force that the sound caused many people to turn to him in surprise. The guards, who knew him well, were not allowed to say anything to him and instead looked at him with compassion. He wanted to cry, to scream, to hit things.... It was a lot of negative feelings that came all at once to torment him and let him know that he was responsible for Matt fighting for his life at that moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

By the time the others arrived, Kelly was in the waiting room with Brett and Dawson. The blonde was holding his hand and the latter was looking straight ahead with a frown, deep in thought. As soon as they heard the doors open and a large amount of footsteps approaching, they turned and saw all of their friends from the 51st walk in. Kelly's eyes were still slightly red and the girls' expressions showed only concern and fear. Severide seemed to be almost in a catatonic state. His lips were slightly parted and his eyes were not looking at any point. He didn't even react when Brett released his hand. very slowly and moved closer to Cruz to hug him, relieved to see him whole, nor when Dawson stood up while putting a hand on his shoulder, saying that they still didn't know anything about Matt. They all sighed and began to groan. Boden brought order and reached over to Kelly to squeeze his shoulder gently, but neither that nor the glass of coffee Herrmann offered him and which he took mechanically made him react. The others took their seats and waited for a doctor to arrive with news of the captain.

"I don't want to lose him. I can't," Severide mumbled once Boden sat down beside him, still with his hand on his shoulder.

"You won't, no way. Casey is an incredibly strong-willed person. You'll get through this, together."

Kelly was touched by Boden's few words. His boss was completely indifferent to the kind of relationship the firemen had within the station, as long as it didn't affect their jobs. His only request was that they avoid making it public for the other stations, as they would most likely go off on their tongues and tell some superior. He knew Boden didn't care what they told him went on inside the 51st, but when it came to his people, the guy could be dangerous. He'd always looked out for them, and if anyone ever said anything bad to him about the relationship two superiors had, he wouldn't hold back in any way.

"Thank you, chief," was all he could say.

Kelly's legs had already gone numb from all the time he'd been sitting. He didn't even know how long it had been since then, but he was sure it wasn't short. The others shifted uncomfortably as well. No one was willing to leave until they heard from Matt. The others got into some small talk about the fire, no longer able to keep quiet any longer. Otis asked Stella what had happened earlier and she replied that they found two guys. She pulled out the one who was unconscious and Casey said he would help another who seemed to be in a trance. Capp joined in and said that after the fire was out and they went in to do a walkthrough and make sure everything was okay (as it could be) they found Casey's oxygen tank along with the mask. That was the only thing that made Kelly react. But he wasn't able to ask them anything and instead, started running scenarios in his head about what could have happened. Had the guy Matt tried to help attacked him? Had it been an accident? He shook his head sharply and told himself that he should try to calm down a bit or he would have a seizure in the middle of the hospital and then he would run the risk of not being allowed to see his loved one.

After a long wait in which everyone began to despair, Matt's doctor finally showed up. Kelly was the first to ask how Matt was doing. The doctor said that he had suffered an airway obstruction from the irritating gases he had been breathing for a prolonged period of time. During the time he was being cared for, he suffered seizures and had a second arrest from which he was saved at the last moment. His lungs were not severely damaged, but for now he could not breathe on his own. He was now stable, although they would have to administer oxygen at 100% concentrations for as long as necessary to combat the smoke inhalation and until he could breathe on his own again. The CT scan showed no internal injuries, so that was already great news. He had not woken up yet, he was being given fluids in addition to oxygen and they were still waiting for him to wake up.

Severide felt the soul return to his body all at once, as if he had fallen at great speed from wherever he had been moments before. The others gasped in relief and allowed themselves to relax their postures. From one moment to the next, the atmosphere seemed to become much lighter. 

Even before anyone asked, the doctor said, much to his chagrin, that he still couldn't have visitors, as they had to continue to monitor his treatment at all times and there were still some tests to be done. Kelly was ready to protest and ask to please be allowed to see him for a moment. He just wanted to see for himself that Matt was doing well and had really made it. And the doctor must have noticed the anxiety on his face, because his serious, calm expression looked doubtful for a moment. Luckily, Boden approached Severide and placed his hands on his Lieutenant's tense envelopes, telling him that the best thing to do was to go home and rest. The chief asked if he would be called with any changes and the medic replied, "Absolutely. Your representative's number is listed. You will be the first person to be notified." That seemed to calm Kelly down a bit, but that was as far as it went.

As they left the hospital, everyone comforted him and told him that if he needed them, a phone call was all it took for them to be at his door.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next few days were hell for Kelly. Boden had ordered him to stay home until he was really sure he could work without risking his life. The first day he tried, he failed to stay focused and almost ended up being crushed by a burning house and then assaulted by a madman who set his own car on fire. Boden knew that maybe it was a mistake to leave him alone, but if he wasn't able to calm down and start focusing, it would be many lives besides his own that would be at stake. During that period of time he didn't even have the strength to go to the hospital. All he did was lie in bed, waiting for a call from the hospital. He could barely get up to go to the bathroom and drink water, but after that he didn't feel like answering messages from his work colleagues or his father. Yes, of course Benny knew about his relationship with Matt, and although he had been as suspicious as only an older, relatively conservative man can be, he never said anything against them. He only said he was a little disappointed that he had thought his son's next partner would be a redhead. That had defused some of the tension between them, but it was still obvious when the three of them were together; a fair attempt to calm things down which Kelly accepted. However, Benny would refuse to talk to Matt casually and Matt would be a little nervous around him. Kelly understood, and never regretted casually and nonchalantly telling his father that they were dating.

On the fifth day with no news, Kelly decided to get up and shower. When he got out, he shaved and then decided to go shopping. He hadn't had a decent meal in days. When Matt returned, he would probably want to see that his partner hadn't been depressed and had been able to cope. If he had to lie to him to put his mind at ease, he would. He took her car keys and went to the market. It was basic stuff. Milk, rice, spaghetti, some sweets he knew his blond loved.... And a bottle of beer. Besides water, it was the only thing he was drinking those days. The only thing that helped him forget about his pain for twenty minutes before intensifying it all at once. When he drank, the negative feelings got stronger and made him even more depressed. It was like a medicine with adverse effects. It had happened to him before, but the only reason he hadn't fallen again was because there was someone to help him stay focused. He didn't need her always by his side, just thinking about his special someone helped him not to relapse. But he was on a hospital gurney and Kelly couldn't get that image out of his head. That was what drove him to drink through the night; it was his attempt to erase that image to no avail.

April had called him to update him on Matt's condition during that time. He had improved quite a bit and the chances of him waking up soon were not slim. Given that he responded well to treatment, that his lungs were getting clearer and that no internal injuries had been discovered, Matt would be with them, surely, in no time.  
That helped him and at the same time it didn't.

He shook his head and continued to take a few things. Vegetables, coffee, sugar...I guess there's no shortage, he thought, checking the list on his cell phone. Fortunately, there was no one that early, so he simply approached the cashier, paid for his things and left to head to his car. As he walked with very light steps, his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. He grabbed the bags with one hand and picked up without even seeing who it was.

"Kelly Severide."

"Kelly, it's April from Med. Matt woke up for the first time an hour ago. He's asking for you."

Severide tensed with a start. His hand forced itself to clench the handles of the bags as he was about to drop them.

"I'm on my way," he said before hanging up. He ran to his car, dropped everything in the back seat and then climbed into the front seat to drive. It was only five minutes to the Med. He needed to see her boy awake finally.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before.

It had been a while since Matt's eyes had finally obeyed him to wake up, although they didn't stop feeling heavy when he tried to open them. An annoying sound invaded his ears, he could not recognize it. He tried to think and become aware of his surroundings, but it wasn't as easy as they always thought it might be to come back from unconsciousness. His eyes wanted to go back to sleep, but his head kept repeating that he had to understand where he was before anything else. He could barely hear voices around him, but in his ears they only sounded like murmurs. He couldn't remember how he ended up like this. Matt felt his head aching, though not as much as it had been a.... How long had it been? No, it was actually throbbing violently. His body felt incredibly heavy, as if a huge weight had settled on him, and he felt a strange pressure on his face.

A blinding light made him close his eyes even more. He had always suffered from severe migraines and very bright lights always made him feel worse. He just wanted to stay in the dark, where he didn't remember feeling pain. He only briefly remembered hearing a voice telling him to... not give up or something. And before that, his nickname: "... Baby...". 

He gritted her teeth and forced his eyes open despite the light making his head hurt. A doctor came in with a nurse behind him. Even with his vision blurred, he saw him adjusting something on the machines and, surely, checking his vitals. So he was in the hospital?

"Matt, I don't think you can talk yet, so shake your head if you can hear me."

As he moved his head, he almost felt his brain hit it from the inside. He felt dizzy.

"All right. Do you know where you are?"

He nodded again.

"Are you in pain?" When the blond nodded, the doctor almost scanned his body with his eyes and asked: "What hurts?"

"My... Head," he answered, his voice hoarse with disuse. Before he knew it, he had been carried away by the darkness again.

Things gradually became clearer as he woke up again. He remembered walking into a factory with his firemen and then being thrown hard against a wall. He remembered feeling a sharp pain in his back and starting to breathe in a lot of smoke, a thick one that burned him inside. He remembered hearing Kelly's voice calling for help over the radio as the fire surrounded him and after that, nothing. The only thing he wasn't sure of was how long it was before he woke up again. Was it hours, another day, or just a few minutes?

His head was no longer throbbing violently, which made turning it less painful. He felt his chest rise and fall gently and felt that a nasogastric tube had been put in to administer some medication or other liquid.

April walked very slowly into his room and when she saw that he was awake, she smiled serenely.

"Hi, Matt, how are you feeling?," she asked, checking to see if he could talk.

"I think I'm... Fine," he answered slowly, without getting agitated.

"Just fine, honey. We checked to make sure you can breathe on your own, so we'll take the tube out of your throat right now, okay?"

Matt nodded slowly, happy to hear that, but unable to show it. April took over removing his tube. She asked him to take a deep breath once he did to make sure he wouldn't have any breathing complications now that she was taking it off. Matt complied and felt the air rush in and into his lungs. He wasn't nervous like he thought he would be now that he could do it on his own.  
As April set about checking his vitals once more, the blond asked slowly:

"Where's Kelly, is he okay?"

"Kelly? Yes, he was here earlier." And it was true, but she didn't want to tell him it was only when he came in. She knew the silver-haired man would have gone from day one, but knowing how much he loved Matt and his experiences losing loved ones, it didn't even occur to her to judge him for not wanting to see Matt lying on a hospital gurney with a fifty to fifty chance.

"Can he come? I haven't seen him since the fire."

"Do you remember the fire?"

"Something... He was in danger. But he's okay, isn't he?"

"Yes, Matt. He's fine physically, he was very worried."

Matt smiled faintly.

"He's always worried about everyone. That's why he almost died. But he was just doing his job," he exclaimed warmly. "Can you tell him to come in?"

April was quiet for a moment.

"Yes, of course. Give me a moment, okay?"

She quickly left the room and dialed Kelly's number.

"Kelly Severide," the man on the other end of the line answered, clearly depressed. April realized immediately.

"Kelly, it's April from Med. Matt woke up for the first time an hour ago. He's asking for you."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kelly was standing in front of his boy's bedroom door. April stood next to him and noticing that he was nervous, put a hand on his shoulder. The Lieutenant didn't know what he could say to Matt once he came in. He felt he had no right to tell him that he hadn't gone when he was in a coma, not because he didn't want to (it was all he'd been thinking about all that time), but because he'd have to tell him that all that time he'd been lying in bed doing nothing else.

"I don't think I can," he admitted, very seriously.

"Yes, you can," April assured him. "You practically came here after I called you, and I know you've only thought about him since then."

"I didn't come to see him before. How am I going to explain that to him?"

"He knows how much you care. If you tell him without losing details, he'll understand. Besides, he's the most understanding person I've ever met. He won't even look at you the wrong way."

Kelly sighed shakily and nodded. It was true. Matt was the most selfless and understanding person he'd ever had the good fortune to meet. But that wouldn't stop him from feeling less guilty. He knew that many of the squadron had taken the time to go see him. He found out when he read the messages and most were asking him if he had been with Matt before or after them or if he planned to go at some point. He would never have answered them anyway. He just wanted to go in and hold his hand, but his mind kept screaming at him that he didn't deserve even that, that he didn't deserve Matt. He tried not to shake his head and walked in after a few seconds when April opened the door. There, with half his body lifted up by the gurney and one arm across his stomach, Matt lay half conscious of everything. As he approached, he noticed his eyes half-open and his chest slowly rising and falling. He had a tube in his nose, most likely for medication. April left with a smile on her lips, slowly closing the door to give them privacy. Kelly would later remember to thank her.

He took Matt's hand and waited to see if he would reciprocate his grip as he always did.

"Stop doing it," Matt murmured, his voice hoarse, squeezing Kelly's hand.

"From doing what?" asked Kelly, smiling.

"From looking at me like that. You'll make me blush."

"I love it when you blush."

He leaned over and tenderly kissed his forehead as he pushed his hair back a little. He carefully rested his head on Matt's chest as he sat on the edge of the gurney and felt him run a hand over his head.

"You took a while, don't you think?" joked Matt, squeezing the back of his partner's neck.

"Isn't it a little early for a complaint," Kelly continued, lifting his head. "Sorry, I went to the store. Things were missing from home."

"I hope you didn't forget the sugar."

"I only forgot it once."

Matt found just the right strength to laugh, causing a great warm feeling in Kelly's chest. God, he'd missed that smile so much.

"You're thinking about something a lot," Matt noted, surprising him. "I know that expression. You can tell me anything. You know that."

"Of course, baby. It's just that... Matt, I feel terrible," he confessed, his expression showing how sad he felt.

"Because of what happened to me?" the younger boy asked, frowning slightly. "It wasn't your fault."

"If I had been quicker, I could have gotten out and you wouldn't have inhaled that smoke. But it's not just that. Matt, I didn't come in this week. I couldn't make it. I couldn't bear the thought of you lying on a stretcher fighting for your life. I couldn't take the thought of losing you for a second. Everyone said they came, but I just lay there in bed... Oh, God. Matt, I'm so sorry," he finished, resting his forehead on Matt's arm.

The blond smiled as he looked at him warmly and slowly raised his arm to lift his head and stroke his cheek. He brushed away a small tear that was beginning to fall down his cheek and said:

"Don't be sorry. I know it would have been hard for you to do. You've dealt with the death of your loved ones for a long time."

"What? Matt, can you hear yourself?"

"Yes, Kelly. I didn't go deaf or stop thinking what I'm saying," he laughed. "Honey, do you really think I would have been mad at you for not coming sooner? I know how hard it must have been for you to deal with it, I'm not going to complain about it. You're here now that I'm awake. That's very important."

"Matt, I..."

"Hey, hey. It's okay. Seriously. It's really good to see you right now."

Kelly tried to hold back his tears without much success.

"Matt, you didn't have to risk yourself like that at the factory. You should have left when your oxygen tank stopped working," he scolded him, though with such gentleness that it sounded more like a school lesson.

"The guy who pushed me was in shock, so.... Does that count as saying it 'stopped working'?"

"Someone attacked you?" Kelly blurted out, feeling the anger begin to build in his chest.

"It wasn't on purpose. He was scared, but he didn't react. I shouldn't have touched him."

Kelly sighed. Matt wasn't always able to see the evil in people. Okay, this was a fire victim, it used to happen that instead of finding people scared and agitated, they found people who were paralyzed in a corner or even in the middle of a fire. It was not unusual for them to suffer trance states due to fear, as their minds could switch off for that very reason. For Kelly, it wasn't a good enough justification to accept that he had attacked it and broken the only thing protecting him from the smoke.

"You should have come out anyway. You could have died for saving me." Again, something hit him. "If you got out, you would have been back by the time I radioed, wouldn't you?"

Matt lowered his hand and placed it over his partner's.

"There's nothing I wouldn't do for you."

Severide smiled through his small tears and gave him a small kiss on the lips. Breaking away, he rested his forehead against Matt's, closing his eyes and exhaling a shaky sigh.

"Lie down with me," Matt asked.

"The gurney isn't very big," Kelly commented, pulling away from him.

"It doesn't matter. I just want you to hold me."

Kelly nodded and settled in as gently as he could, trying not to lean his full weight against his boy. Matt moved carefully to lean against his partner's chest, wanting to feel again that feeling of protection that only he could offer. He had never felt what it was like to be cared for and protected. He'd hardly ever gotten hugs from his sister, but they were almost always friendly or even given very tight hugs just to tease the other as a joke. Kelly's hugs were always different. They let her know that there was someone looking out for his well-being. The first person who showed him that he genuinely cared about him and was only thinking about him being okay.

He felt Kelly once again kiss his forehead and hug him a little tighter, being careful not to cause him any pain.

Again, they both felt whole and at peace again.

**Author's Note:**

> In addition to this, I was thinking about starting a section where I could write different situations of these two (you know, drama, angst, fluff, lots of love, and so on).
> 
> What do you guys think?


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